~ Freeze Mode ~ Reflections and Resourcing Practices from Maeve
Freeze mode often shows up in my life as waves of depression where I feel hopeless. I avoid connecting with others, I want to distract myself with mindless activity, and I feel deeply exhausted with a humming buzz of anxiety underneath. For me, freeze mode is often activated within the context of relationships, where some of my deeply rooted self-limiting beliefs surface, such as “I’m not good enough” and “I’m going to be abandoned”.
Even though, logically I know I can tell myself that I am safe, my neuroception (internal safety alarm) tells me that I am not safe and there is an imminent threat. I usually first go into people pleasing mode (Fawning), and try to fix the situation while abandoning myself. If this does not “work”, I conclude that I cannot do anything about the situation and I go into freeze mode, where I feel that something must be very wrong with me and the only thing that will ease the pain of not being good enough is numbing with distractions or sleep.
This is a familiar pattern that I have learned to recognize over the years, worked with in therapy, and now have a “resource tool box” for myself to refer to when I notice the signs of going into these states. I write down helpful reminder notes for myself to come across in my home/car/purse etc. that give me kind, helpful suggestions of things I can do to support my nervous system before I am feeling activated and while I am feeling dysregulated.
One of my most important take-aways from this practice is that I do not have to be hard on myself about becoming dysregulated. (Yes, that is one of the reminders-to-self in my toolbox ). This is a mindfulness practice that involves offering myself curiosity and empathy, rather than criticism. Stay tuned for a post in the near future on self-empathy.
It is a completely natural human experience to move out of our window-of-tolerance and go into states where we feel threatened. A resilient, healthy/flexible nervous system is one in which we regularly move in and out of states of stress and threat, and are able to come back to an internal sense of relative safety with the assistance of our resources.
Here are some of my favorite ways to resource myself when I can feel my window-of-tolerance becoming smaller as well as when I realize I am in Freeze Mode. Check out our last post for more ways to support yourself and create your own resource toolbox!
A few freeze Mode Resourcing Practices:
Energy Balancing Breath: Sip in 2 or 3 short breaths, and release one long grounding exhale.
Several Rounds of Shoulder Rolls. Inhaling shoulders forward and up to the ears and sighing/humming the shoulders back and down.
Stress Relieving Aromatherapy Spray. (Lavender or Bergamot)
Drink Water and take care of other basic needs such as eating and showering.
Go out into nature.
Finding the Space to Hold it All
Life can be difficult. All the strife, division, and discrimination around us are enough to overload anyone. But, particularly when we want to walk a path of open-heartedness, finding the space within ourselves for all of these big feelings can leave us feeling drained and wondering when we lost touch with ourselves.
Added to this, the number of worthwhile endeavors and must-dos that develop in our desire to be true to ourselves and contribute to the world and our relationships is beyond measure. From cleaning the bathroom, spending time with friends and family, holding down jobs, and responding to emails and texts; everything seems so urgent and unavoidable. We have ideas about who we want to be and what we need to do to ‘fix’ ourselves. Moreover, in the face of all, we want to accomplish, it can feel impossible to know how to take the time to slow down and re-connect to ourselves. For me, navigating all the feelings associated with these both external and self-imposed pressures and failures is a burden. In trying so hard to do what we think is right, we still find we are still not grounded in ourselves, and for me, this is always an awkward and embarrassing revelation.
When we identify with the external concepts of exponential growth, expansion, and progress, we are left with too little time for integrating the experience of our lives. We still have to get up and go to work. We still need to keep showing up for those we love and become de-sensitized to the self-limiting language we use with ourselves. No matter how hard we try, it will never be enough, and we’ve lost ourselves again. But this time, it’s gotten to the point of wanting to give it all up.
Short of actually throwing in the towel, we find ourselves continually trying to modulate our experience of what is. We are quite inventive. From coffee and cigarettes to yoga before bed and traveling the world, we can use it all as means to soften the edges and hide from what we subject ourselves to in our minds and our day-to-day lives.
Eventually, we can recognize how exhausting it is to be always running to and from discomfort. At some point, we owe ourselves a line drawn in the sand and the time to really get curious about ourselves. We need to understand our limits so we can stop going past them. We need to accept what we cannot change so we can stop fighting and hiding from it. Moreover, we need to know what lights us up so we can take that leap instead of running ourselves ragged efforting the wrong places. We need to listen to all the body has to say in response to our lives. We Then, we can experience the space to really be with ourselves even in the midst of our hectic lives.
The answer lies in a simple breath. The breath is your intrinsic link to your aliveness, in it lies a portal to all the different parts of your being, a way to get to know yourself and the world. As the dynamic expression of the mind-body connection, when the breath is allowed to express its intelligence, the spirit is free to express its wise presence. Set aside all that has not yet happened, leave behind what no longer serves you, attune to your own breath, each breath, and arrive in the present moment.
When we approach the breath with a mindful and spacious presence, we see its inherent wisdom and symbolism. The subtle energy that breathes through your body, whether or not you remember to do so, also brings the electrical charge to your nervous system, thought formations in the sea of mind and it perceives through our senses. It organizes and animates our world. When we stop, soften, and tune in to this, we see the space opening up within us and before us with clarity and expansiveness.
Just as after each exhale, eventually you must inhale, so to all of life: wake and sleep, think and feel, create and dream, speak and listen, give and receive, life and death. Just as we have to work hard for what we want, we have to take time to slow down, rest and recharge to have the resources to keep treading along the path. You are not like that freight train of progress, but something more natural like a flower, the breath or yourself. When you don’t know what to do next or you don’t know how to do it all, just stop and breathe.
We owe it to ourselves to pause and breathe into our bodies and ask ourselves ‘How am I really doing?’
When we allow the intelligence of our body and the life force animating it the place of prominence it deserves within our field of our attention, we open ourselves to the innate wisdom that is intrinsically a part of our being. When this happens, our world becomes a very different place. We are dialing down that spinning thinking mind and witnessing that sensing feeling resonance we all contain. We are creating pure time and space within ourselves and our lives. You can live your external life and be contributing member of your community and also return home to the core essence of your being. You can feel at home and at peace with yourself right here in the middle of it all.
An Incredible Indestructible Heart
Hi! I’m Daniel. I wanted to introduce my self and share some my own personal journey. This journey has led me to seeing yoga, meditation and somatic learning not just as powerful tools for inner growth and transformation, but a vital component to the awakening heart of humanity and the health of our society. For this reason, I’ve dedicated myself to sharing what I’ve learned with others.
For me, there is one aspect that has always been particularly compelling. Early in my journey, it was suggested to me that I perceive my experience with my entire body, as if every cell was an eye all working in harmony to comprise a totally new-to-me sense organ capable of perceiving via feeling and sensation. We can tune into our bodies in this way and glean more information about ourselves and our relationship to whatever it is we are experiencing. Tapping into this superpower not only provides a richness to our experience of life, but also serves as our most reliable mode of interpreting our experiences.
This was a truly ground-breaking revelation for me. Like all beings, I have been feeling things my entire life. But rather than spending time exploring this world of feelings and gaining a better understanding of myself thru it, I had always just gotten caught up in the thoughts that arose in response to those feelings.
It's a very natural and sensical thing to think, I love this feeling! How can I re-create this feeling again, as soon as possible?! or Ew! I don’t like this feeling at all, how can I avoid this feeling, forever?! And then try to determine how to make either of those wishes come true by playing out numerous scenarios in my mind.
However, when I allowed myself the time to reside in that awareness, to really allow it to take up a larger part of my consciousness, those layers of discursive thought I was accustomed to slowed down and receded to the background. A new kind of space opened up for me and I became aware of a long-lost part of myself, which I had forgotten was there.
I experienced it as an endearing and innocent child-like wonder and inquisitiveness. It was beautiful in its simplicity and yet had a profound and eternal quality. I felt its warmth, creating a sense of safety and curiosity about myself, a newfound interest in my own evolution, and a love and zest for this precious life.
When I viewed the people around me, I saw that strange and beautiful inherent nature radiating out from everyone, trying to break free, yet still loving and patient. I can sense in the space of my own heart, this awakening heart in all beings. It inspires me to stay close to this work, to make time to connect with this part of my self and be a source of encouragement to others.
We each have our own unique perceptions and interpretations of those sometimes-hidden endemic components of the soul, but of this I am sure, there is something fundamentally good in its nature.
The disruptive quality of excessive thinking vs feeling with our bodies, and the pressures of the fast-paced modern world result in a social and cultural conditioning that leaves too little space for this aspect of ourselves to shine through. It’s obscured to us and each other making it all too easy to get swept away by all the conflict and exponentially increasing divisive reactions. It's too much for one person to face alone and we forget that we are all trying to shine and and we all have something very precious to protect. When I’m feeling overwhelmed and distraught responding to complex issues, I reconnect with this part in myself. I re-establish that connection and remember its eternal indestructible presence in the heart of all beings. We all know there is something good within us worth defending and, just maybe, we could fight back by expressing that goodness.
I invite you all to take some time this week in meditation and connect with your own basic goodness. Contemplate or journal about that experience and try recognizing its presence in all beings, especially someone who particularly challenges this perception. How can you connect with this part of yourself more regularly? What boundaries could you put in place to avoid situations that challenge your ability to remain in that awareness for yourself and others? What kind of situations can you put yourself in that encourage a safe externalization of your own awakening heart?
The Birth of Many Moons Therapeutics
Hello! My name is Maeve, creator of Many Moons Therapeutics.
My business and I are dear beloveds, inextricably linked in a personal, spiritual evolutionary process together. I was born on the cusp of Leo and Cancer Sun, along with double Libra Moon and Rising Signs… creating a bubbling magical caldron of emotional tides, nurturing energy, fiery passion, and a deep need for balance.
For many years I felt confused by these seemingly conflicting facets of my inner being, I did not understand how I could have so many differing perspectives and feelings at once. I would judge myself for not being as bold as a leo sun sign "should be", and critique my deep well of feelings when I was told I was "very sensitive". I felt exhausted, depleted and hollow inside for much of my childhood and throughout my twenties, not realizing that I was continuously abandoning myself as I endlessly attempted to please everyone around me, trying to keep everything harmonious and balanced on the outside, with the hope that I could THEN feel ok on the inside.
Around age 24, I found myself in my first semester of graduate school for geography and sustainable planning (I thought I wanted to be in this program, but was really just trying to make my father proud by going into environmental science). My roommate's girlfriend at the time told me that she was applying for Expressive Arts Therapy. I had never heard of this type of therapy but something intuitively sang out in my heart, calling for me to listen and respond. I left the geography program a few weeks later and began my journey towards somatic and expressive arts therapy.
I spent the next several years immersing myself in yoga, meditation, art explorations, yoga teacher training, volunteer work, and my own somatic therapy process. Throughout this time, I discovered how harmful my people pleasing tendencies were for myself AND for those around me. My anxious attachment style (ppl pleasing) led me to believe that my mom and my romantic partners could not take care of themselves without me. I was using control tactics to instill a false sense of safety instead of learning to trust others and trust myself.
My first yoga teacher training was a birth canal that forced me to recognize the lack of trust I had in myself, and awakened me to the deep, true yearning I had been looking for all of these years in my people pleasing journey... to turn my nurturing presence around back towards myself and begin filling my own cup with the energy I had been pouring outward for so long.
FINALLY, I began to experience the feeling of true balance that my libra rising and moon needed. I began to trust myself in a whole new way because of the caring relationship I was developing with myself. My vision became clear as I discovered my passion for supporting others in their own journey of healing their relationship with themselves and others.
A few years after I completed my training in expressive arts and somatic therapy, Many Moons Therapeutics was born, a healing arts private practice specializing in trauma-informed yoga classes, workshops, and trainings, as well as somatic and expressive arts therapy for individuals and groups.
5 years later, my work continues to inspire and challenge me, evoking personal growth and community connection that deepens with each passing week. I support adults as they move through the wild and enchanting life-long portal of developing deeper self-trust as well as remembering their innately curious and creative self.
How does this happen? Through providing education on how to care for the nervous system and digesting this information through somatics, yoga, and expressive arts processing.
My current goals in life are to rest, create without an end product in mind, and play as much as possible. I am in my own ever-unfolding process of developing self-trust and am finding much pleasure and deep liberation in being as silly as I want to be on a daily basis.
Lately, some of my favorite ways to play include laughing until my stomach is sore, dancing in the most ridiculous ways I can imagine, flubbering my lips like a horse, shaking my body until all feelings of guilt and shame and people pleasing slough off like snakeskin, rolling around in the grass, scribbling with markers, eating yummy foods and savoring each bite.
Play not only fun, but it’s a very powerful way to soothe and bring balance physiologically to our nervous system… an entire topic of its own that I will share in another blog post very soon. Stay Tuned!
What are your favorite ways to play? Feel free to leave a comment below!
At Home in Our Skin
Journaling reflection practice for today’s passage
Today’s Flow and Yin Yoga class centered around a passage from Mark Nepo’s book, “The Book of Awakening”, which has a unique passage for each day of the year. I chose to read todays passage (April 10th) because it spoke to me so much.
“The Spiritual life is about becoming more at home in your own skin”
Parker J. Palmer
“Anything that removes what grows between our hearts and the day is spiritual. It might be the look of a loved one stirring their coffee as morning light surprises their groggy eyes. It might be the realization while watching a robin building its nest act you are only a temporary being in this world. It might be a fall on ice that reminds you of the humility of your limitations.
As Parker Palmer suggests, the aim of all spiritual paths, no matter their origin or the rigors of their practice, is to help us live more fully in the lives we are given. In this way, whatever comes from a moment’s grace that joins us to our lives and to each other - this is spiritual….
The life of spirit is everywhere: in dust waiting for light, in music waiting to be heard, in the sensations of the day waiting to be felt. “
Mark Nepo’s Meditation - “Center yourself, and as you breathe, realize that your spirit fills your life the way your bones and blood fill your hand”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now feel how spirit fills your body like your blood fills your whole being. Feel the physical sensation of spirit presence in your body right now, you might call it consciousness or great mystery. Tune in and notice what sensations you feel. Is there a part of your body where you feel more sensation?
If your eyes are closed, open them while maintaining contact with the sensations of your inner being. Notice what its like to look at the world around you, noticing light, shadow, texture, color, smells, shapes. What do you gravitate towards? What intrigues or mystifies you? Spend the next 10-15 minutes journaling about what you are noticing, checking back in with spirit emanating from your inner being several times throughout.
You might follow the journaling with another form of self care for yourself. This might look like resting, lying down, taking a bath, eating food, drinking tea, stretching your body or anything else that calls to you. I invite you to continue feeling spirit essence emanating from your body as you move through the next few hours.
with care,
Maeve
Journaling the Questions - Opening to your own mystical inner realms
Hubble Space Telescope mosaic image assembled from 24 individual Wide Field and Planetary Camera 2 exposures taken in October 1999, January 2000, and December 2000
Today’s Livestream Flow and Yin class centered around a quote from Clarissa Pinkola Estes and I am offering some journaling prompts here for those of you who would like to explore living your questions further.
Through our yoga practice, we explored letting a question that is alive in us to be moved and breathed with, interacting with it in a dialogue through our body rather than our cognitive process that might be inclined to try to analyze and find an answer. It can be a strange and refreshing practice to live with the questions we have circulating inside of us right now rather than striving to find an answer to them.
“Asking the proper question is the central action of transformation- in fairy tales, in analysis, and in individuation. The key question causes germination of consciousness. The properly shaped question always emanates from an essential curiosity about what stands behind. Questions are the keys that cause the secret doors of the psyche to swing open.”
-Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Journaling Exercise:
I invite you to consider a question that has been coming up for you lately. Write it down. Close your eyes and feel in your body how this question is causing a germination of consciousness inside of you at this very moment. What sensations do you feel? Try to identify 3-4 sensations.
What colors do you see? Any textures, shapes, images, landscapes? Write these down as well.
Turn your gaze back inward and rest your attention deeply inside yourself, letting your inner being know “I’m here and I am curious, I offer receptivity to this moment”.
Continue to notice any sensations, colors, images and symbols that show up. As you focus your attention inward, feel consciousness within reaching towards you as well, perhaps making contact.
Ask you inner being: What would you like to share with me?
Rest with whatever you hear, see, feel. Write it down.
Allow a new question to emerge, free-write in response to that question for 5 minutes without striving to answer it at all.
Another question may emerge, write that down and do another 5 minute round of free-writing without striving to answer it at all.
You may feel complete with this process or repeat this a few more times.
Look back over your writing and underline 5-8 words that pop out at you. What question is brought up in your awareness now as you see this 5-8 words underlined. Write this question down and do a final 5 minute free-write without striving to answer it at all.
You may choose to tune back into your inner being for a 4-5 minutes now and rest with the new question inside and see how it is germinating consciousness within you at this moment.
Reflect upon any secret doors of the psyche that have opened inside of you in this process. Option to draw, color or scribble on a piece of paper as a way to reflect upon your experience using new neural networks in your mind/body.
Feel free to send me an email or write comments below with any reflections or questions from this practice!
Nourishing your roots this Spring
As the natural landscape unfurls around you, what do you notice about your own inner experience?
Each year as Spring approaches, my heart starts beating faster, ideas begin blooming and bursting inside of me with one hundred bright shades of color, my feet tingle and before I know it I have completely lost my connection to the ground I am standing on. I start tripping over myself and feel like I am floating off into space because I have forgotten that it is just as important to nourish and deepen my roots as it is to spread out towards the sky in every direction. Anxiety and anticipation consume my attention and I have to write myself sticky notes that I place around my house reminding me to PAUSE, feel my feet, and take 10 long breaths while sitting, standing, or lying down.
Remembering to pause helps me to not only keep myself from flying off into space but it helps me to energetically integrate and be present for what I am learning and experiencing.
Here are a few ways I am choosing to nourish my roots this spring while continuing to stretch and grow outward.
— Practicing the Sacred Pause 3-5 times per day! This includes pausing, feeling my feet, and focusing on my breath for at lease 10 long exhale breaths. Checking in with my senses: what I smell, taste, hear, feel and see - looking around to identify at least 3 objects I observe.
— 15 minute daily movement practice for grounding and relaxation followed by at least 5 minutes of seated meditation.
— Morning writing practice for 5-30 minutes. This can be a one page stream of consciousness flow or responding to a writing exercise or prompt.
— Spending time on the earth, lying on the ground literally on or near roots while feeling the density of my bones.
— Offering Therapeutic Movement sessions in my private practice that can be catered to the individuals needs/goals: including meditation, subtle body awareness, alignment, chronic pain, flow state, and somatic learning (connecting to intuition and intelligence of the body).
The last few weeks have been a time of rapid growth and new surprises for me. I attended a workshop a few weekends ago on Yoga and Meditation for Chronic Pain led by three incredible teachers: Libby Hinsley - Yoga instructor and physical therapist, Lisa Sherman - Acupuncturist and Yoga Instructor, and Will Hamilton - Psychologist and Meditation Teacher. During this weekend training - I was brought back into my roots in a very deep way through skillful slow flowing yoga sequences and grounding guided meditations. After this nourishing and enlightening training, I have decided to offer therapeutic movement sessions for individualized experiential learning based on your personalized interests, which can include meditation, subtle body awareness, alignment, chronic pain, flow state, and somatic learning (connecting to intuition and intelligence of the body). During our first session we will discuss and evaluate your interests, goals, intentions and any questions you may have about our process to create an individualized plan for therapeutic movement together.
Please enjoy this brief grounding meditation to help connect to your roots this Spring.
What are some of your favorite ways to stay grounded during the vigorous growth spurt of Spring Season? I would love to hear your wise words/reminders/practices in the comments below!
Learning to Share my Voice: A Lifelong Process
Learning to Share my Voice: A Lifelong Process
Are you ever afraid to share your voice?
I know I am!
Before I completed my first yoga teacher training 9 years ago, I was utterly TERRIFIED of speaking in front of groups, to the point where I fainted a few times while trying to give presentations in high school and college. Knowing I needed to address my fear of speaking in front of groups, I signed up for a three month, 200 hr yoga teacher training with the tiny spark of a hope that my phobia could be cured. Surprisingly, at the end of my three month training I noticed a significant shift had taken place. Learning to teach yoga had helped me feel more connected to my body and breath while speaking and sharing in front of a group, which kept me from spinning out in my head to the point of passing out. Success! This was a great awakening experience for me that boosted my self-confidence and softened my harsh inner critic. However, my fear of speaking in front of groups continued to challenge me in situations where I was not teaching yoga and I yearned to be able to share my voice anytime, anywhere while feeling relaxed and comfortable in my skin.
I remember being in my first semester of graduate school for Expressive Arts Therapy, listening to my beloved mentor, Sally Atkins, share with us the value of ‘Finding your Voice’. As she spoke, her eyes gleamed with a deep, anchored inner knowing, her voice penetrated into my bones with steady, grounded, grandmother earth essence. I was completely spellbound, mesmerized by her words, which were bathed in unwavering clarity and refreshing humor.
Right away I noticed my inner critic voice say, “you’ll never sound like her or be grounded enough to speak with such powerful clarity”. My body shrunk like a raisin in response to this inner criticism, I felt small and helpless. At that moment, Sally beamed her wild, loving gaze at me and I felt seen and acknowledged as a precious human who was undeniably capable, respected, and needed in this world. My insecure inner self was crumpled in a ball hiding in this moment and I slowly opened one eye as I lifted my head to feel this acknowledgement flood in. I could sense that this was a moment of initiation. I was being invited into a new phase of bravery, the vulnerable and terrifying practice of unapologetically claiming my voice. Sally helped me to see that there was a more powerful, resonant depth that I wanted to tap into inside myself and synthesize into genuine, honest expression, verbally, physically, and energetically.
That was five years ago. I have taught hundreds of yoga classes, and dozens of expressive arts and somatic learning workshops, AND I am still deep in the scary challenging place of finding my voice. GULP, I continue to recognize this is a life long cyclical growth process. Sally Atkin’s poem. “Tell Me, She Said” is a grounding poem that has helped me over the years in opening to my own inner magic and serves as a reminder that there is ALWAYS a song singing itself through me and it is always worthy of being shared and heard.
Tell Me, She Said
By Sally Atkins
Tell me, she said:
What is the story you are telling?
What wild song is singing itself through you?
Listen:
In the silence between there is music;
In the spaces between there is story.
It is the song you are living now,
It is the story of the place where you are.
It contains the shapes of these old mountains,
The green of the rhododendron leaves.
It is happening right now in your breath,
In your heart beat still
Drumming the deeper rhythm
Beneath your cracking words.
It matters what you did this morning
And last Saturday night
And last year,
Not because you are important
But because you are in it
And it is still moving.
We are all in this story together.
Listen:
In the silence between there is music;
In the spaces between there is story.
Pay attention:
We are listening each other into being.
Sally’s poem encourages me to listen deeply in the quiet moments and take more sacred pauses throughout the day as well as pushing my edges with sharing my voice. I recently attended an illuminating and edge-pushing poetry-as-medicine day retreat with Mary Ellen Lough - honoring the winter solstice. Through simple writing exercises, vivid guided imagining, and sharing within the group, we dove into the waters of our inner being to explore our multifaceted relationship with Light and Dark. My associations with light and dark initially appeared oppositional, but as I continued to sit with my associations, light and dark began to mingle and weave together as a puzzle would, revealing a larger scale perspective. My associations with light and dark became inseparable from one another, dancing and swirling just as shadow and light require each other to exist. The vast chasm I had imagined between joy and pain, loneliness and togetherness, laughing and crying, birth and death began to close and I realized that much of the suffering and fear I endure on a daily basis is the painful and exhausting side effect of maintaining BLACK and WHITE, GOOD or BAD, ALL or NOTHING thinking. What a revelation!
Dancing
in and out
in and out of togetherness
and solitude.
I forget while I’m in it
that solitude
IS an interactive dance.
And there is a togetherness
even when I feel the most
empty, alone, afraid.
The practice of embracing solitude as a very special relationship with self and with my environment has opened a doorway for me to allow my heart to relax into itself, to feel my tissues soften around my bones, and to feel my breath as a dear, supportive companion that is always with me. This does not mean that I don’t experience anxiety, loneliness, worry, discomfort and restlessness. I am learning to acknowledge edgy discomfort as an invitation to look deeper inside and offer a listening ear to the inner parts of me that want to be held, acknowledged, and nurtured. My therapist refers to these moments as VITAL NURTURING moments. It requires me to recruit my, wise, Inner Witness Self to step in and hold space for whatever feelings are present. The Inner Witness self does not categorize, judge or label feelings and thoughts as good or bad, right or wrong. This gives space for my feelings, thoughts, and sensations to exist. I anticipate and hope that this will be a practice I engage in for my entire life. I am realizing that there is no end goal I am trying to reach. Right now, my growth edge is calling me to write and put my words and thoughts into a public forum. Putting my voice out there in an honest, unfiltered way feels uncomfortable, nerve wracking and downright scary. So here I am, letting these words out onto the page while I practice offering a supportive inner voice to the parts of me that feel threatened, insecure and judgmental.
Pablo Neruda’s poem is also a staple that I keep in a visible, place that I can revisit again and again as I continue to bump and fumble along this journey of discovering and sharing my voice.
Poetry
By Pablo Neruda
And it was at that age ... Poetry arrived
in search of me. I don't know, I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when,
no they were not voices, they were not
words, nor silence,
but from a street I was summoned,
from the branches of night,
abruptly from the others,
among violent fires
or returning alone,
there I was without a face
and it touched me.
I did not know what to say, my mouth
had no way
with names,
my eyes were blind,
and something started in my soul,
fever or forgotten wings,
and I made my own way,
deciphering
that fire,
and I wrote the first faint line,
faint, without substance, pure
nonsense,
pure wisdom
of someone who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open,
planets,
palpitating plantations,
shadow perforated,
riddled
with arrows, fire and flowers,
the winding night, the universe.
And I, infinitesimal being,
drunk with the great starry
void,
likeness, image of
mystery,
felt myself a pure part
of the abyss,
I wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke loose on the wind.
I have the honor of co-leading a Spring Equinox Day Retreat with Mary Ellen Lough on Saturday, March 23rd from 12:30pm-6:30pm to honor and create a sacred ritual between Winter and Spring and the natural movements of the body and heart. As a group, we will navigate transition, find balance, metabolize the lessons of the past and welcome the unfolding to come. To honor ones threshold is at once to nourish, to cleanse, and to hold. To simultaneously root deeply and extend towards the sun through movement, somatics, active imagining, poetry, yoga, expressive arts and creative writing.
What is Somatic Learning?
What is Somatic Learning? I get this question a lot. Somatic Learning is the practice of embodied mindfulness and offers tools for engaging in a friendly and reverent relationship with the intelligence your body.
The word somatic is derived from the Greek word Somatikos: Of the body.
“Somatic Learning provides a discipline for a new participation in life. It is a practice for awakening to who we are by receiving the gift of our embodiment - not what we mistake for our “body” as “object”, but as the embodiment of spaciousness in the actual blooming of life, in the here and now.” Risa Kaparo
I remember the first time I read this quote from Risa Kaparo ten years ago, something in me lit up with curiosity and interest AND I also felt a lot of resistance and fear. I could feel my body saying “YES” through the tingling sensation in my arms, legs and fluttering heart. I felt the fear and resistance as a queasiness in my stomach and a voice in my head saying, “What does that even mean? Embodiment of spaciousness in the blooming of life???!” Even though my mind was pounding me with skepticism, I decided to take a risk and follow the YES I was also experiencing. I read on, and became intrigued by the shift from Old Paradigm to New Paradigm Approach to embodiment that Kaparo was proposing.
“Old Paradigm: … Most of our of our programming arises from collective beliefs of what we might call consensual reality (what we agree within a given paradigm to accept as “real”). Here are a few of the beliefs of the prevailing old paradigm that may still be unconsciously informing our mind/body relationship.
We function as relatively fixed objects.
We are separate from everything else.
Gravity is a force that needs to be overcome by effort.
These beliefs are based on the reductionism, materialism, and determinism of the socially prevailing scientific paradigm arising from Aristotelian thinking and Newtonian physics. However, in the latter half of the twentieth century, scientists and philosophers postulated a new paradigm, articulated in quantum physics and a philosophy of holism.
New Paradigm - These beliefs may be more relevant and empowering than those of the old paradigm.
We function as self-sensing, self-organizing, and self-renewing energy beings.
We are interconnected with all that is.
Gravity provides an opportunity to send and liberate us from our patterns of habitual tension.”
-Risa Kaparo
Relating to my body as self-sensing, self-organizing, and self-renewing, rather than as a relatively fixed object was completely revolutionary for me. I had been practicing meditation and mindfulness for a few years but was still unaware of the type of relationship I had with my body. In that moment I realized that I had been relating to my body as a tool that was here to be wielded and forced into action, rather than a highly intelligent organism that is self-sensing, self-organizing, and self-renewing.
As I look back over the last ten years, I see from a birds eye view how I have been slowly Living Into this new way of relating to my body/mind.
Over time, I have cultivated a much more friendly and reverent relationship with my body, honoring its vast intelligence and wisdom. Additionally, my relationship with gravity has changed dramatically. Rather than always struggling against gravity or taking it for granted, I am learning to play and experiment with receiving gravity as a gift. As a result, I have become more effortless in breathing and movement. Learning to be in a friendly relationship with gravity is a huge part of my embodied mindfulness practice. It is a daily practice that I can engage with anytime, anywhere and will never stop teaching me new lessons.
One practice that has been very helpful with my experimentation with gravity is “Differentiation”, as taught by Risa Kaparo.
Differentiation: The practice and processes of noticing change or movement.
Risa Kaparo says, “When you differentiate awareness, what you experienced previously as solid and relatively fixed, like “the body” or “the ground”, will now reveal itself as ever-changing, movement within movement… the ground keeps opening itself to you.”
Differentiation Exercise: Set a timer for 3-5 minutes or put on a song you enjoy that is 3-5 minutes long. Begin by standing with your knees slightly bent, shifting your weight more from one foot to the other. Tune into your breath, feeling the texture and temperature and movement of your breath. Feel the weight of gravity pouring down one leg and then the other. Invite your shoulders and arms to dangle heavily. Receive the weight of gravity as a helpful energy that allows you to feel the ground beneath you and feel your body suspended in space. Notice how everything is changing in each moment. Let your body be moved by an inner curiosity… an inner longing. Feel the ground rising up to meet your body and the air touching your skin as alive with consciousness. Continue this exploration until the timer goes off or the song ends. Afterwards: notice how you feel and how your relationship to the ground, the air and your body feels. Journal about this experience.
I would love to hear about your experience with this practice! Feel free to write in the comments below or send me an email with any questions or reflections you have!
> maevehendrix@gmail.com
To learn more about Risa Kaparo’s work, check out her book “Awakening Somatic Intelligence”
We will be exploring somatic learning and awakening somatic intelligence at the Spring Equinox Day Retreat coming up on Sat, March 23rd! Click here to sign up. Early Bird Discount is available until March 1st.