~ Freeze Mode ~ Reflections and Resourcing Practices from Maeve
Freeze mode often shows up in my life as waves of depression where I feel hopeless. I avoid connecting with others, I want to distract myself with mindless activity, and I feel deeply exhausted with a humming buzz of anxiety underneath. For me, freeze mode is often activated within the context of relationships, where some of my deeply rooted self-limiting beliefs surface, such as “I’m not good enough” and “I’m going to be abandoned”.
Even though, logically I know I can tell myself that I am safe, my neuroception (internal safety alarm) tells me that I am not safe and there is an imminent threat. I usually first go into people pleasing mode (Fawning), and try to fix the situation while abandoning myself. If this does not “work”, I conclude that I cannot do anything about the situation and I go into freeze mode, where I feel that something must be very wrong with me and the only thing that will ease the pain of not being good enough is numbing with distractions or sleep.
This is a familiar pattern that I have learned to recognize over the years, worked with in therapy, and now have a “resource tool box” for myself to refer to when I notice the signs of going into these states. I write down helpful reminder notes for myself to come across in my home/car/purse etc. that give me kind, helpful suggestions of things I can do to support my nervous system before I am feeling activated and while I am feeling dysregulated.
One of my most important take-aways from this practice is that I do not have to be hard on myself about becoming dysregulated. (Yes, that is one of the reminders-to-self in my toolbox ). This is a mindfulness practice that involves offering myself curiosity and empathy, rather than criticism. Stay tuned for a post in the near future on self-empathy.
It is a completely natural human experience to move out of our window-of-tolerance and go into states where we feel threatened. A resilient, healthy/flexible nervous system is one in which we regularly move in and out of states of stress and threat, and are able to come back to an internal sense of relative safety with the assistance of our resources.
Here are some of my favorite ways to resource myself when I can feel my window-of-tolerance becoming smaller as well as when I realize I am in Freeze Mode. Check out our last post for more ways to support yourself and create your own resource toolbox!
A few freeze Mode Resourcing Practices:
Energy Balancing Breath: Sip in 2 or 3 short breaths, and release one long grounding exhale.
Several Rounds of Shoulder Rolls. Inhaling shoulders forward and up to the ears and sighing/humming the shoulders back and down.
Stress Relieving Aromatherapy Spray. (Lavender or Bergamot)
Drink Water and take care of other basic needs such as eating and showering.
Go out into nature.
